Letter 576 Arles, 3 February 1889
My dear Theo,
I should have preferred to reply at once to your kind letter containing the 100 francs, but since at that precise moment I was very tired and the doctor had given me strict instructions to go out for walks and make no mental exertion, I haven鈥檛 written to you until today.
As far as work is concerned, this month hasn鈥檛 been bad on the whole, and as the work takes my mind off things, or rather keeps me in order, I don鈥檛 deprive myself of it.
I have done 鈥淟a Berceuse鈥?three times, and seeing that Mme. Roulin was the model and I only the painter, I let her choose between the three, her and her husband, on condition, however, that I could do a duplicate for myself of the one she chose, which I am working on at present.
You ask if I have read La Mireille by Mistral 鈥?I am like you, I can only read the extracts that have been translated. But what about you, have you heard it yet, for perhaps you know that Gounod has set it to music. At least I think so. I don鈥檛 know the music, of course, and even if I did go to hear it, I should be watching the musicians rather than listening.
But I can tell you this, that the local dialect spoken here sounds so musical in the mouths of the Arl茅siennes that I actually pick up snatches of it every now and then.
Perhaps there is an attempt at a medley of local colour in 鈥淟a Berceuse.鈥?It鈥檚 badly painted, and in a sense cheap chromos are infinitely better done, but even so鈥? Here, the so-called worthy town of Arles is such a peculiar sort of place that it is with good reason our friend Gauguin calls it the filthiest spot in the South. Now, if Rivet saw the population, he鈥檇 certainly have some bad moments, and repeat over and over again, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e in a sorry state, the lot of you,鈥?just as he says of us. Still, once you鈥檝e had the local disease, you鈥檒l never catch it again.
Which is just to let you know that as far as I am concerned, I have no illusions about myself. Things are going very, very well, and I鈥檒l do everything the doctor says, but鈥? When I came out of hospital with good old Roulin, I fancied there鈥檇 been nothing wrong with me, it was only afterwards I felt I鈥檇 been ill. Well, that鈥檚 only to be expected, I have moments when I am twisted with enthusiasm or madness or prophecy, like a Greek oracle on his tripod. I display great presence of mind then in my words, and speak like the Arl茅siennes, but in spite of all that, my spirits are very low. Especially when my physical strength returns. But I鈥檝e already told Rey that at the first sign of a serious symptom I would come back and submit myself to the alienists in Aix, or to himself.
What else except pain and suffering can we expect if we are not well, you and I?
Our ambition has been dashed so low. So let us work very calmly, look after ourselves as best we can, and not exhaust ourselves in futile attempts at mutual generosity. You do your duty and I will do mine, and as far as that鈥檚 concerned, we鈥檝e both already paid for it 鈥?and not just in words 鈥?and at the end of the road we may quietly come together again. But when I am in a delirium and everything I love so much is in turmoil, then I don鈥檛 mistake that for reality, and I don鈥檛 play the false prophet.
Indeed, illness or death holds no terror for me, but happily for us, ambition is not compatible with the callings we follow. There are so many people in all classes of society, from the highest to the lowest, who believe that, anyway.
But why are you thinking about your marriage contract and the possibility of dying just now? Wouldn鈥檛 it be better simply to make love to your woman instead? After all, that鈥檚 normal practice in the North, and it鈥檚 not for me to say that practices in the North are no good.
It鈥檒l all come all right in the end, believe me.
But I, without a penny to my name, I still say that when it comes down to it, money is one kind of currency and painting is another. And I am even ready to send you a consignment along the lines mentioned in previous letters. And it will get better. If my strength returns.
So, if Gauguin, who is completely infatuated with my sunflowers, takes these two pictures, I should just like him to give your fianc茅e or you a couple of pictures of his, not second-rate ones but better than that.
And should he take a copy of 鈥淟a Berceuse,鈥?then all the more reason for him to give a good one in return.
Otherwise I wouldn鈥檛 be able to complete the series I spoke to you about, which should be fit to go on show in that same little display window we have gazed at so often.
In this case, the value of the pictures does not come into it, and I don鈥檛 claim to be an expert. It remains a fact, however, that I may be entitled to attach as much importance to my social position as you do to yours as a loyal employee. And let me just say this: I think as much of brotherly integrity when it comes to Boussod鈥檚 money as you do. It has never played us false. And we have sweated far too much doing good work to get annoyed at being called thieves or incompetents.
Anyway, I won鈥檛 keep on about it.
As for the Ind茅pendants, it seems to me that six pictures are too many by half. To my mind, The 鈥淗arvest鈥?p style="line-height:25px;text-indent:32px"> [F 412, JH 1440] and the 鈥淲hite Orchard鈥?[F 403, JH 1378] are enough, with the 鈥淧roven莽ale Girl鈥?[F 431,
JH 1519] or the 鈥淪ower鈥?[F 422, JH 1470] if you like. But I really don鈥檛 care. The only thing I really want to do some day is to give you a more comforting impression of this painting business of ours with a collection of about 30 more serious studies. In any case that will prove to our real friends like Gauguin,
Guillaumin, Bernard, etc., that we are producing something.
As for the little yellow house, when I paid my rent the landlord鈥檚 agent was very kind and behaved like an Arl茅sien, treating me as an equal.
So I told him that I had no need of a lease, nor of a written assurance of preference, and that in the event of my being ill payment would only be made by friendly arrangement.
People here have their hearts in the right place and the spoken word is more binding than the written word.
So I shall keep the house on for the time being, as I need to feel that this is my home if I am to regain my mental health.
Now about your moving from the Rue Lepic to the Rue Rodier, I can鈥檛 offer any opinion, as I haven鈥檛 seen it, but the main thing is that you too will be lunching at home with your wife. By staying in Montmartre you would all the sooner get decorated and be a Minister of Arts, but as you are not too keen on that, it is better to have the peace of one鈥檚 own home, so I think you are quite right.
I am a little like that too. I always tell the people here who ask after my health that I shall begin by dying in their midst, and that then my malady will be dead.
This doesn鈥檛 mean I shall not have long spells of respite, but once you are ill in earnest, you know quite well that you cannot contract the same illness twice, you are well or you are ill, just as you are young or old. Like you, I will do what the doctor tells me as much as I can, and I consider that as part of my work and the duty I have to fulfil.
I must tell you this, that the neighbours, etc., are particularly kind to me, as everyone here is suffering either from fever, or hallucinations, or madness, we understand each other like members of the same family. Yesterday I went to see the girl to whom I had gone when I was off my head. They told me that there鈥檚 nothing surprising about things like that in this part of the world. She鈥檇 been upset and had fainted but had regained her composure. And indeed, they spoke well of her.
But it won鈥檛 do for us to think that I am completely sane. The people from round here who are ill like me have told me there will always be times when you take leave of your senses.
So I don鈥檛 ask you to tell people that there is nothing wrong with me, or that there never will be. It is just that the explanation of all this is probably not Ricord鈥檚 but Raspail鈥檚 1. Though I have not yet had the fevers of the region, I might still catch them. But they already know a thing or two about all that here at the hospital, and as long as you have no false shame and say frankly how you feel, you cannot go wrong.
I am bringing this letter to a close for this evening with a good handshake in my thoughts,
Ever yours, Vincent
1. Philippe Ricord, French surgeon specializing in syphilis; Fran莽ois Raspail, French chemist and politician who asserted that disease is caused by parasites.